Our agency sent us a letter about the wait and how difficult it is. I thought for those interested in knowing more of how we are feeling I would share a bit of the letter.....
"Time after time we hear from adoptive parents that the hardest part of the adoption process is the waiting. Doing documents, jumping through hoops, making payments, looking over that medical information and saying "yes" to a child referral, then preparing to travel and actually boarding the plane--none of this compares to the difficulty of waiting. WHY?
Dr. Pauline Boss of the University of Minnesota and the author of books about "ambiguous loss" says it is precisely because of the ambiguity in adoption that the wait is so difficult. With many life events, you feel in control of the situation, therefore, able to accurately predict the outcome. With adoption, the unknowns shift that balance that you feel when you are the primary driver of the event.
Think of the difference between waiting for your wedding, a degree in school, or the closing on a new house. In all of these instances there are some unknowns, some ambiguity. But adoption is different. With your wedding, your house, or your graduation, you have a concrete end date and a clearly understood time frame for completion. You knew what was to happen and when.
With adoption, many of our parents tell us there are way too many ambiguities for comfort. If we are in an international program, what if we are forced to re-assess our hopes and dreams because of restrictions, policies and program changes that limit our options or extend our wait in that hoped-for program. Because there are circumstances that are outside the control of CHSFS and expectant parents, adoption is closest to the trauma of a loved one gone missing. There are simply no certainties, no assurances."
So, this is a glimpse into our longing, our ache in our heart, and into our struggle of waiting for our child to be home on our arms.
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2 comments:
I would agree my friends - 100%. Though it has never been in words like this. I can sympathize with you. Try being the strong husband when your wife gets mad at some governmental agency that you are dealing with. And you are suppose to make it all better. And in that time you are just as angry or frustrated - lol. Hey just wanted to say we understand, (have gone through it and are going through it right now with the state). As a second note, if you guys want some time away and come to paradise - come on down. We have all this room, and till the state says we can do anything - no one fills the beds up. So free room and board. We have friends you can stay with in Atlanta, so no hotel there either. It will only cost you all time and gas. - All from Matt
A trip to Florida might just be the thing we need if we don't hear from CHSFS with our referral by June 15th. It would be great to connect with you guys too!
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